Earplugs for My Brain
Shortly after we adopted Natasha and Svetlana, the noise level in our home increased by much more than one would have expected by simply adding “2 girls who spoke no English, going into puberty, what could possibly be the problem, Teri!”. Don’t get me wrong; it wasn’t that the girls were so loud or noisy themselves. O.K. they were a little boisterous; plus let’s not forget Angela, the housekeeper, the nanny, the cook, the handyman, the gardener, the guy who cleaned the fish tank, one mother-in-law, my parents, and one husband who had retired “to stay home to help with this endeavor?” Maybe it had nothing to do with the three Russian girls who had joined our family. But, nevertheless, I am not totally willing to let them off the hook that easily.
It has been my experience that people of Russian heritage generally tend to speak with a certain lack of gentleness. Not that folk from Russia cannot be gentle. Natasha is one of the gentlest souls that I know. Maybe the Russian people are generally a bit more severe than our Minnesota nice permits because they must endure such a harsh climate. Or maybe the economic conditions in the country are so brutal that people have to develop a certain severity to just survive. I am not certain of the exact cause. What I do know, is that at times it felt like I needed earplugs just to hear myself think, whether it had anything to do with the Russian contingent or not.
Today I do not need any earplugs. My house is generally pretty quiet, unless the entire family is gathered. Unfortunately, that has not happened for a while due to government restrictions. Sometimes my house is even too quiet. But just because my house is usually without disturbance does not mean that I find it easy to stop all of the noise around me, or even inside my head.
I have attempted to not turn on the news, or log onto my computer as much as usual. But then I might be accused of having my head in the sand. Actually, having my head buried in the sand does not sound all that bad right now.
This morning I attempted to practice the spiritual discipline of silence for only two minutes; not two hours, only two measly minutes. During those two minutes I found it almost impossible to stop my brain from thinking about a million and one other things. I tried circle breathing. I told myself to stop thinking, but then I only thought about why I could not stop thinking. Is there something wrong with me, that my own thoughts are the only sound I was able to really tune into. Should I check into the psych ward immediately? It is highly possible, but I do not think I need to just yet. Maybe tomorrow.
Here is the deal, folks: If I expect to hear God’s voice speaking to me through reading and studying His word, how am I supposed to listen, when my own thoughts are so boisterous? I wish I could find some ear plugs for my brain, so that even for just two tiny little minutes I could listen to God and be still, without my own loud and rude thoughts interrupting His sweet, loving, gentle voice.
